Hi Astara, first of all, I am very sorry to hear about all that you have just been thru and I hope you have had the space to love yourself back together…yet on a level, I also feel a huge sense of healing expansion from it…the likes of which are bound to shift your entire life.
You ask…So what was I creating? Was it just carbon transmutation to crystal? Was I birthing my diamond self? Was I actually pregnant for a small brief moment?
And the first thought I had while reading this was that as painful as this experience may be, that you were in fact offered a gift, an opportunity to break your heart wide open and really feel some unhealed emotions that needed to be felt in order to allow LOVE to enter….that this was a MAJOR core wound healing that was needed so that you can move beyond these past (re)creations and anchor fully into your diamond radiance.
As far as the pregnancy…if what I am feeling is correct, then I imagine the only way for you to really experience the loss in a deep enuf way for you to truly cut ties with this past wound would require an etheric conception…to the point that you would have to literally play out the scenario and emotions in a fully expressed way, so much so that it would take you to complete healing. And the same energy dynamic likely holds true for your separation from your partner.
Does this make sense or resonate with your experience?