Hey sweetpea, welcome to the coaching forum (!) and thanks for your patience as I regrouped after the birth of my last article.
Ok, so I’ve read everything you wrote and realize that the simplicity of what I know to be true for you at this time is also the seemingly most complex part of your journey to arrive at what you call this “full circle moment”, which it exactly is.
Here’s the readers digest version: You are in the process of reconnecting to your (divine) inner-masculine side of Self.
I know that you are feeling this masculine piece so strongly right now and thats for good reason…because we are moving into a more masculine oriented space this year and so opening to the purity of the divine male will be a large part, if not all of, your next steps.
So I am going to break down and reconstruct some misconceptions which will hopefully help you to gain some clarity of thought which will ultimately aid you in the clarity of your heart.
Because I can feel that your fears are forcing you into your thinking brain…and your thinking brain is taking you on quite a tail-chasing conquest (!)…my intention is that you begin to feel safe enuf to return to your heart, but more than that, to understand why you are losing trust in your heart to begin with. To do this I want to be water clear in what I am feeling and sensing to cut thru the mire.
My method of coaching is to utilize your own written words (which tend to reveal the deeper, sometimes hidden level truths) to address the places in you that carry the most vibrational charge. In your case, it begins at the end of your query, so lets begin here and see where this flows…
“my journey in this lifetime started right away with so much abuse and pain from lower masculine energy, and overcoming that darkness has been the biggest demon to conquer in my life.”
This feels like where your journey deep into separation began…your “core wound” if you will…and so the good news is that this is also the doorway to your salvation, your emancipation from the lower world.
This inception wound enabled you…and I use that word consciously…to experience division from the Source of who you truly are. If this is truly your inception wound then your re-connection to Source begins here because it also ended here…when you experienced pain and trauma and therefore lost “faith” in the divine.
The reason I phrased it in that light is so you can begin to see it in that light….to understand that without this core wound, you would not be able to transcend the karmic patterning in your energy field in order to ascend in this lifetime. And this is your ultimate goal…or you wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
You say: at times i feel like that’s maybe the most perfect way God created my journey – to heal that very pain in the most beautiful way possible, but most of the time it just leaves me terrified.
And I would take that one step further by saying that YOU created your journey, AS GOD. The higher, eternal GOD part of you created this entire blueprint for yourself…prior to your arrival…and everyone in your hologram (especially the antagonists) are just playing a “contracted” role to help you reclaim your place and standing AS GOD in the physical world.
In fact, when my own mother crossed over the very first thing she said to me was: “Oh wow, everyone…and I mean EVERYone is just. playing. a. role. We are all playing roles to help each other get closer to our true nature, as GOD.”
Realize too that our deepest desires are always shrouded in our deepest fears. Think of it as bait…in order to face our deepest fears, we need the momentum and motivation of our deepest desires in order to motivate us thru. In your case your greatest fear (the lower masculine) is perfectly disguised as your greatest desire (the return to absolute LOVE).
Your rejection (fear) of masculine energy as something harrowing (because of life experience) has forced you too far into the feminine polarity of your being, perhaps because it felt safer to retreat within yourself (where the feminine resides) and likely isolated & quarantined you from others and the world. Without the balance of male energy in our life and bodies we feel raw, vulnerable and permeable to outside influences where the world becomes unsafe because we have no physical boundaries to protect us from “harm”.
But ultimately, the feminine energy does not have the ability to “keep us safe from harm”…those boundaries are the role of our divine inner warrior, our divine father, our sacred male counterpart…”he” who is here to help us create our soul’s desires, in the physical world, with all his beautiful, structured, defined heart-based power and authority. And this is exactly what you are being urged to LOVE about yourself right now. All those qualities that once hurt you, are ultimately here to help you…become whole again.
It may seem as tho the lower male energy in your life forced you to reject the very part of yourself that you now “need” to become whole, but the deeper truth is that these experiences ultimately provided you with the template to transcend the lower male by actualizing the higher male WITHIN.
For only in healing/forgiving/accepting/feeling (transcending) those lower masculine wounds within yourself will you regain the true opportunity to create a new world around you that will reflect the higher masculinity…even and especially in a life partner.
The physics of a holographic universe (as within so without) stipulates that until you find the value in and fully let go of the old male paradigm that still has a hold on you, you will keep projecting that painful reality onto the canvas of your life, reflecting back to you a world where the inner masculine is unhealed.
And so I would say that the faith you seek is really trust first. Trust that it truly is “safe” to have faith…to let your guard down and let the masculine back into your life and heart, knowing full well that he is here to support you not hurt you, once you LOVE the full spectrum of you…not just the feminine polarity.
That said, I get it…the feminine is so free and flowing and feel good…but you are coming from a place that is only half of the equation in a physical life. I can feel and fully honor your deep sensitivity, but i assure you that the imbalance of feminine energy can no longer sustain you alone. That time on the planet is over and all the years spent wholing the feminine energy means she can now “safely” join with her perfectly equal, divinely masculine counterpart.
And because the divine male is so powerfully returning to the planet right now, any wounded constructs around this energy will definitely come up to be released, and this is why things have been feeling more and more challenging in this regard.
Understand that the male energy is just as divine as the female. The Source of ALL has no polarity, it is all LOVE and exists as pure potential, as the void, as antimatter. However, for Source to experience itself in form, it needs an opposite. In the same way, to be born into the physical world demands that we polarize our energy field, split in two, so that we can experience ourSelf…in form. Enlightenment comes when we can see and honor BOTH sides of our own polarity…as a triality. When we see both the dark (female/void) and the light (male/matter) as flip sides of the same coin…and observe them both with detachment and nonreaction…we have transcended duality.
This is what you/we are here to experience as being human…but realize that in splitting yourself into two seeming polarities (female AND male) that they are still both divine since both ultimately come from the same Source where “the two are born of the ONE.” If it helps you to neutralize the charge that the masculine (temporarily) has over you think of the female as LOVE (magnetic) and the male as LIGHT (electric). Both are sacred and both are needed in order to experience “other”, in physical form.
At the base level, that is all that polarity is...two opposing energies that need the perfection of opposites to experience sameness.
And while there has definitely been much wounding on this planet by the predominance of lower male energy, it is not personal…it is universal. We are all here playing the role of human (even and especially our closest adversaries) and enacting the collective consciousness script…until we become awake to it and transcend it, and return to our true nature in ONEness, merged in divine union.
The key to arriving at that place within is complete detachment…in letting go of that which no longer serves you.
All that said…and before we move on into the more surface layers…take some time to really absorb into your being that YOU planned all of this pain for yourself in polarity so that you would eventually have the joy of returning to yourSELF in ONEness.
Without that perspective shift, seeing yourSELF as the creator of your entire incarnation experience (good, bad and ugly), your foundation is faulty, and not one you can build a sturdy structure for life on. It is also a first step in honoring and enacting your inner masculine capacity to guide you…the empowered part of you that will enable you to step out of the dark (feminine) and into the light (masculine).
Ultimately, until you can see/accept/remember the absolute perfection in your own perfectly designed blueprint plan for yourself, you are at risk of being victimized by one of your greatest creations…the creation of your own (human) self and life!
So let me know how all this feels to you and if/when you’re ready to take the next step in owning the empowered creation of yourSELF, I can offer you some (power) tools to help you rebuild!