Hi Elena and welcome to the co-coaching forum! So nice to have you with us…
My initial feeling is that you are deeply in process…in the midst of an empowering “changeover”..releasing an outdated aspect of yourself, letting go of a long standing (perhaps self-destructive) pattern, yet not quite fully grounded in the new you.
The process of this disconnection from an outdated aspect of Self…especially at this powerful time as we all work to eclipse disempowering aspects of our past…can definitely feel momentarily disorienting until you fully hook into the new version of who you are becoming. Moving into a truer version of yourself requires new neural pathways of personal power that are now being created out of your new choices to express your honest feelings…this rerouting takes repetition to cement into place, to integrate on a body-based level.
As I am sure you are beginning to see, anger is a clear boundary setter…a warning signal from the soul that we are putting another’s well being before our own…that in giving ourselves away to appease another, we give up actual pieces of our soul (power). (commonly called soul fragmentation)
As we move thru Saturn retrograde for the next several months, this reclamation of power will be quite prevalent in that we are all being urged and supported to find our inner authority and apply it when needed. When you have the ability to put yourself first at all times, to honor yourSelf over all others, the warning bells (anger) will no longer be needed or useful. But like all things, its a process and takes practice.
The key to reclaiming personal power & authority is an inside job…it’s in feeling the discomfort of your new choice (or boundary) until your lost soul fragments are returned. When you fully reclaim these precious and vital aspects of self that you unknowingly gave away, you will no longer feel spacey and disoriented, but whole and complete in a very grounded way.
In the meantime, try not to react to past (outdated & unproductive) patterns of pleasing or fixing (ie, caretaking) but instead surrender yourself fully to any awkward discomfort that arises from your new choices…ie, lean into those feelings and not away from them. That is the process of repatterning required to move into a new level of consciousness/new choices/new behaviors.
If you truly allow yourself the space and presence to integrate these changes…to really feel all the uncomfortable feelings associated with moving into a new experience of self expression (one which is healthy and aligned with your soul’s voice) you may just find that by the upcoming lunar eclipse, this (lifelong?) pattern dissolves before your very eyes.
This gateway is THAT powerful.
Hope this helps in some way!