Hi AJ, you are doing splendid so trust, trust, trust in YOU.
You have within you all the answers and the guidance you seek is in your cellf…you are simply being called to LOVE your Self, your pain, the parts of you that suffered…that is all that is required of you at this time.
You have to LOVE the parts that feel unlovable due to your trauma, and in the process you will reclaim the empowered authority over YOU.
I do feel that the visualization in the golden light was a beautiful confirmation of the defragmentation process you are going thru…the reclamation of those lost parts of yourself that you unconsciously gave away to your past trauma. It feels as tho a healing of the highest order is underway and that perhaps this sacred weekend will deliver you to the wholing you so desperately seek.
The golden shiny egg makes me feel a sense of completion in your incubation and perhaps you are readying to “hatch” from the womb of your metamorphosis.
As far as the panic around not ‘making it’…ie, What happens if I go through this window and I have not fully cleansed the trauma of the rape?
Keep in mind that in truth there is nothing to heal, nothing to cleanse...there is only transcension.
You are already whole and complete, you just forgot while in separation and while having those 3D experiences required to return you to ONEness. But you are here now and the past is over, you are safe to let go.
From a 5th dimensional perspective there is the realization that we are never broken and so the only thing to do is LET GO of any other version of reality but the one that knows you are already complete.
To focus on healing your trauma is to fuel it.
There is simply no way to fix what’s never been broken…and so “the work” is in seeing yourself as whole already…its in overcoming lifting your sights to that higher version of truth, and believing that reality as true. This is not the same as avoidance, far from it…it is in consciously accepting that what happened in your life didn’t happen TO you, but because of YOU…that the horrors were not “wrong”, but perfect….perfectly designed by YOU for YOU to deliver YOU to YOU at this time.
And you are here now.
It is time to release this painful part of your past. This sacred portal can deliver you to the TRUE YOU, the part of you that has no “story” attached to it. But it will be up to you to take that step in faith that nothing is or ever was required of you but your complete LOVE for YOU.
If you can honestly say that you truly LOVE and authentically accept yourself for all you have been thru and all that you chose to experience in this life, then the work is truly done. If not, then direct your energy and focus on LOVEing who you are…not for what you have been thru or what you want to BE, but for simply who you are….warts and all.
What you eat and drink, the time you spend on the computer, etc. etc…all inconsequential in comparison to that very truth. If you LOVE yourself as the expression of GOD that you truly are, nothing can bring harm unto you.
My wish for you over this very sacred weekend is the full release of a lifetime of suffering so that you are free to emerge into the fullness of who you already are.
This is available to you now…to all of us. You only need embrace it.