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  • Nabila

    Member
    February 1, 2021 at 4:34 am

    @maria

    “All my life all I wanted was my mum and myself to stand up to my dad, take our power back etc. My mother couldn’t do this even though I did everything to help her.”

    Yeah likewise. It wasn’t clear until my late 20’s that this was what I wanted/needed . I tried communicating this for years but she was unable to find her bigness buried in the rubble of her need for approval/(false) security.

    My father was a covert narcissist and my own loyalties were confused too by this hidden dynamic of mixing up love for him with an inherent propensity to stay safe thru getting his approval .

    I had the typical full blown good girl syndrome that posed as responsible independence and worldly competence.

    Over the subsequent years I became wise to all of these dynamics but have yet to fully free myself from it all ( I do sense a final breakthrough/release is imminent tho) .

    Right now the shot is hitting the fan in my parents marriage and all her endeavours to be approved of and all the illusory’ rewards’ her martyred self has upheld for 50+ years holds no water.

    My father cloaking device is failing and the/his ugly truth is becoming more apparent as each day passes.

    I can see my mother gasp and wail for help but no matter how much I offer my support from my own perspective she is unable to hear it or act upon it because she’s still hypnotised:afraid to face the truth/herself. The victim card is still being played so I’m being rightly tested rn as to how able I am to detach from this legacy and simultaneously hand back to them that which I am no longer responsible for ( their relationship/happiness which has been a long term burden/duty as a mediator/evidence to make them feel good ) .

    I am there in body and in basic humane kindness for them but I am no longer interested in being present for them or to feed /placate their dysfunction.

    I know they feel abandoned by us as a family( my sons/their grandchildren are not super close to them bar general kindness because Indecided ages ago that duty/obligation to ‘ family’ or anything need be part of their ‘ training’) and its tough to witness age old 3D expectations being unfulfilled but this cord must be cut .

    I’ve also seen how I attracted a partner who houses some of this corrupt Masculine. Via his long term connection to me he’s had no choice ( and must have been ordained to cut his own legacies) but to walk the path with me who had been on this journey of reclamation and rebalancing of EVERYTHING!

    I’m really surprised that we’ve lasted 39 years together and were still debugging from the corrupted codes we inherited.

    After that big share which had been healing for me I can feel that my propensity to lapse into the old timeline has shifted.

    I’m not fully embodied in the new one but I’m sensing it’s just time and practice now to free ourselves up fully.

    Seems so many of us here have such freakishly similar stories that we are now gaining full clarity/disclosure of.

    Amen to that! 🙏💕