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  • Nabila

    July 15, 2021 at 5:08 am

    Me and you both @angel

    I keep getting whiffs of ‘ opportunity/ momentum’ that then fizzle out as quickly as they arrived.

    I love what you have shared too @simone612 -on the money! 💰 💫

    It’s incredibly frustrating and seems to be the one piece of the new paradigm puzzle that remains just out of reach rn.

    As per usual this discussion is right on time and synchronised with my experience. Yesterday all these issues ; that confounding sense of powerlessness ( TY for that link @kimmie ) , futility , apparent inability to create a foundational platform to express Self/personal truth , safety , creating the life that calls me etc all came up big time in my inner and outer field .

    I felt so much powerlessness, anger, resentment and hopelessness for a few hours and was aware of how much of these emotions/energies I’ve been carrying in my body and how that has affected my well being. ( Big physical and emotional purge ensued 🥲)

    A reminder of how tough it’s been to ‘ know’ so deeply and wisely that the patriarchal model of existence is so off but to then have to navigate it by those ‘ off’ rules , has been an impossible task , at least for me. It’s like my body and soul just couldn’t do it ethically or something which then has left me on the back foot in terms of being economically independent.

    Whilst I’ve had a husband who has supported us, it came with a lot of chaos , crisis and dramas seeded by the out of balance pervasive lower masculine modus operandi around abundance, that again my body found hard to navigate..

    But every time I set out to try and be less co dependent and do it my way ( feminine first principal) something would kick in and disrupt my efforts..( children etc or moving country with restrictions on my work opportunities).

    I’d experience a mixture of frustration and relief, the latter because I could feel in my bones that to join forces with /give to anything that was part of this inverse matrix would be misaligned.

    I realise this had some purpose in hindsight in terms of walking the talk of my mission , but the sense of unworthiness, powerlessness, lack of foundation/financial stability that I have yearned for has been by and large elusive and that autonomy to be fully expressive of who I AM unavailable.

    It was like I was so ahead ? if my time that nothing I did could get any kind of grip/traction. I see now that how could it have?! It had no place to land/take root.

    However , just this morning , I could feel my beingness click some sort of vibration/alignment into place ( finally I hope !) that was very similar to what @simone612 shared –

    these words came to me -‘project out into the sphere what you need/want rather than try and navigate / protect yourself from what you don’t want, to find that sweet spot/abundance /self expression’

    We really have to create everything differently to what we’ve been taught and I sense the landscape is shifting slowly to sustain a more fertile landing strip for what and who we are.

    Im guessing these increasingly intense pressure points via family , insufficient funds and other examples of control from corrupted outer authorities that we see being played out at the moment are signs that something new is being birthed. As the birth moves closer to actualisation the desire to ‘ push’ ( against it all) gets more urgent.?

    We got this! 🤛❤️💰